How often when we hear why a girl is in love with a guy, does the word “sweet” appear? I know I hear it a lot. Worst of all, I know I’ve said it many times myself and it is the primary spark for many of my relationships. Anyone who’s been following my blog knows how badly that normally goes…
“Sweet” can take many forms:
- he laughs easily
- he cried in front of you
- he spells things in his alphabet soup
- he carries the good luck charm he’s had since he was 5 with him everywhere
- he gives you his jacket when you’re cold
- you love his smile
- he seems like a big kid
- he talks to you about his feelings
All of these things are very nice and they can draw you in like a moth to the flame. This sweetness is intoxicating and, sometimes, deceptive. You may believe that because he is “sweet”, he must naturally be kind, romantic, honest, and faithful. Unfortunately, the two have virtually nothing to do with each other.
“Sweet” has to do with someone’s personality, not their character. Some guys are just open with their feelings, they are “like big kids”, or they know how to use the romantic angle to get to you. Maybe they actually enjoy romantic stuff themselves. Again, these things are nice, but they mean only what you see, no more. This is the candy of love. It is great as an addition, a snack, but it is not substantial enough to be a meal and it needs to be treated as such.
The meal is made up of things that involve character, such as maturity, honesty, loyalty, fairness, and responsibility for his actions. These are what we are really looking for. Being sweet is fun and charming, but it won’t save your relationship when he’s controlling, has an anger problem, cheats, or blames you for everything that goes wrong. We see sweet and we assume the rest will follow. If he has this sensitive side, surely he won’t be cruel, we may be thinking. This logic doesn’t seem to work. In fact, sometimes these sensitive guys may be so in touch with their own emotions that they seem to have a hard time not being ruled by them, for good and ill.
It can be extremely hard to resist a guy who pushes the sweet button. He gives you that smile or shares his feelings and before you know it, you’re halfway to sitting his lap and stroking his hair. It is so instinctual that we do it without even being aware of it.
I’m not saying we can’t enjoy it if a guy is like this. I just suggest, from years of falling into this same trap, that you see it for what it is. If you haven’t seen any proof that he is loyal, kind, fair, and mature, wait until you see it for yourself before you jump aboard that ship. Sometimes we actually see proof that he isn’t these things, but we keep going full steam ahead because he’s so sensitive we think that side will win out. Either enjoy that sweetness from a reasonable distance or avoid him altogether.
Here is a past blog post about just how far this sweetness can get a guy – How A Guy Can Get Away With Murder