How To Attract The Guys You Want

Want to know how to be more attractive to more men?

Stop trying.

Read any article online with information about what men what, about what’s attractive to men, and they’ll say confidence.

So completely reverse your thinking. Right now most of us are tearing ourselves apart trying to figure out if we’re thin enough, curvy enough, tall enough, short enough, laugh too much or too little, or like the right things. That behavior is what’s making you unattractive. Worrying about it is what’s keeping you from being as appealing as you want to be.

Why? Because what’s even more important than how we look, is how much fun we are, how kind we are and how much we’re able to love them. Being worried all the time about how you look makes you envious of other women, it makes you unhappy, it makes you petty, it makes you mistrust your boyfriend because you think he wants everyone else he sees because you’re not pretty enough, it keeps you concentrated more on how you look than having a good time with him, and, here’s the real kicker, it makes you less fun in bed.

Men know this, instinctively or otherwise. That’s why confidence is the most important thing they look for.

So what to do?

Focus less on that guy over there and what you think he wants and think about what you want to be. What kind of girlfriend would you like? What kind of woman do you want to be? What is the best you that you can be.

Think about your appearance just enough to say, I think I’d enjoy the way I looked a lot better if I bought new, prettier clothes, or if I lost twenty pounds. Then make that thing happen and don’t worry about it anymore.

Did you see a girl in town who wore an outfit you liked? Is there a celebrity whose style you admire? Figure out a way to do your own version of what they’re doing. Buy a pleated skirt or one of those one sleeve dresses/shirts… if you don’t think you really want to do that, buy something that looks similar. But don’t think in some general vein that, I just can’t wear cute clothes. None of us can wear all cute clothes, we have to pick out what’s flattering to us. It takes some time and maybe some experimenting, but if it’s important enough to you to cause you grief when you see someone else do it, then spend the time to let it bring you pleasure when you can mimic that style yourself.

Do something new, that you’ve always wanted to do and never done. Volunteer, travel somewhere even it’s just a town a few hours away, watch a movie you wouldn’t normally watch, eat a new food, get a new job, go back to school or learn a new hobby. What happens is, you’ve done something you really wanted to do and it’s an accomplishment, no matter how small. These give you boosts to your self-esteem. Learning about new things and doing more things also makes us feel more in common with other people and more interesting.

Explore something you thought you didn’t like. It’s really exciting when you realize that you like something you never thought you would. Most of my life, if you’d asked me I would have told you I hated fashion and I hated football. I know they’re completely different things. lol I found a page, which no longer exists , called boutiques.com and it was really fun to pick out all kinds of clothes, even the highly fashionable kinds that I always thought I hated. I thought I’d never get along with anyone who liked those things because they’re completely different from me. But I found that I did like some of it and I know about things I didn’t know about before and I know of things I’d like to have myself. Now, I have no prejudices against people who like to keep up with the fashion circuit. When I was in school, I thought the kinds of people who were into sports and football were completely different from me. This insistence that I was different kept me from feeling comfortable around people I might have really liked(a very short lived romance with a quarterback included). Two years ago my mom and I watched a game because her friend was a huge fan and we are hooked! I now have a huge new group of people I can relate to and have fun with and maybe even attract and fall in love with.

Rethink the mantra, I love myself the way I am. You may now be really confused, thinking, “I thought she wanted me to feel good about myself?” The problem is that people use this as a confidence-sucking crutch. They cling so tightly to defending who they are right now, including their opinions, their likes and dislikes, their rights and wrongs, strengths and weaknesses, that they are close-minded to their own growth. We are supposed to be a work in progress. There should not be one point in our lives when we think, I am perfect the way I am and stop growing. We should be comfortable with ourselves and even love ourselves, but that doesn’t mean we can’t change. No one is perfect the way they are. You are special and lovable the way you are but not perfect. We want to take this attitude because we want to counteract the people who try to put us down, to tell us we are whatever bad thing they want us to believe we are and that’s understandable. But if you stop where you are now and you go, I don’t need to change a thing, people can love me or hate me for being rude, because I dislike all the right things and despite the fact that I know I lie and cheat. That’s just me. That’s just a part of me people have to live with. When you tell yourself that, you are limiting your own self. You are saying, I am going to be whatever this thing is for the rest of my life and everyone just has to get over it. But if you don’t even like it yourself, or if it’s causing you pain because you dislike people or you’re saying hurtful things to your friends, it’s making you feel bad about yourself. You’re tearing apart at your own self-esteem. You don’t even need those haters to do it for you. In an effort to combat the people who want to make you feel less about yourself, you’re allowing yourself to continue to be things you don’t even like.

Bringing this back home, we can’t make every single guy in the world love us. But if we love ourselves more, we will be happier, smile more, treat people better, get along with more people, be capable of being a better girlfriend and wife, and because of all these things, attract more men. We’ll also be able to keep them longer, because when we’re happy, we’re nicer and more satisfied. We can eliminate so much worrying that I’ve messed things up, he thinks I’m terrible in bed, I’m not pretty enough, I’m an outcast so I can’t attract the popular guys, no one will ever like me, or I run everyone away because I’m a b*t*h.

Confidence is the most important thing to think about when you consider your success in romance. But don’t think you have to look like a model, have an outrageous IQ or be Mary Poppins to have confidence. The only thing standing in the way of our confidence is our own limitations.

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